Without prompting, a young YANA client wrote down some of her feelings and gave them to me to read. She also gave me permission to post her writing on the internet. Here is what she said:
When women get sexually assaulted people fail to realize that it lead's to alot of things. Some of us don't feel loved. We get into prostitution and other things. When being in situations like that we alway's seem to think that it's our fault but in reality it's there's.
We feel abandoned and it hurt's to really talk about our problems. Most of us have trouble sleeping, trusting people. I should know because that's how I started off. Some people ask what do you think about while your doing it? I said that it's different for others but your mind goes through phases.
When your out and about there's alot of things to watch out. The main one is getting locked up or having sex for no money. Alot of people will Judge you but not realizing the situation that brought you to this point. Most of us have flashback's about our rape or situation. Some of us would have never imagined that what we once endured as kids that's would be our situation year's later.
I'm so glad that I found someone who would really listen instead of Judging me. The trouble with most of us is that we have no guidance or no one to talk to about our problem's at all. Some people ask me what I'm addicted to the money or the sex? I'm addicted to the money because it's fast. It's not a easy journey for most but it's a stepping stone. If it wasn't for God, YANA and positive roll model's most of us would be still dealing wtih day to day life style that we once lived. By the grace of God I survived.
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The women at YANA Place never fail to amaze me; then I'm always surprised I'm amazed! They've lived the experience and we've journeyed with them, they've felt it and we've felt their pain. The young woman you describe has "come a long way," for lack of a better phrase...thank God she has you, Vickie, and all of us at YANA, so that she can finally feel at home.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to see your point of view. I see things a little differently.
ReplyDeleteI suspect this person whom you give money to and do favours for is taking great advantage of you and probably sees you as nothing more than a sucker.
If you read my blog, you might understand why I see it so differently...
http://theauthorisunknown.blogspot.com
Dear Unknown, I have never given any money to the woman who wrote this post, and the only favor I have ever done for her is to give her a lift home after YANA. I did read a bit of your blog and am skeptical about it. I've worked w/ hundreds of women who have prostituted, and here is what they have in common: 1) they yearn to be recognized as individuals, 2) they yearn for a sense of community, 3) they are very uneven in the way they talk about prostitution so that they speak very matter of factly about some aspects and are very emotional about others, 4) it is extremely rare for them to want to titillate anybody about what they've done. When they do try to shock you, they are obviously very shocked/excited themselves.
ReplyDeleteBy contrast, your blog insists on anonymity,other than the motorcycle accident, exhibits little interest, negative or positive in your relationship w/ others, reports a wide range of sexual activities and "desires" in a flat, unemotional manner, and continually attempts to titillate the reader w/o any suggestion that you yourself are affected by the reported behavior.
Like I said, I'm skeptical, but whether you are telling the truth or not in your blog, I do hope that you will seek counseling.
Well, I'm glad to hear you didn't give her any money - I must have misunderstood.
ReplyDeleteI guarantee that everything you read in my blog is true. Don't ever challenge me on that because short of you flying over here and me revealing myself to you and taking you on a tour of Sydney, I can't prove it to you. You need to take my word for it - I swear on yours and my life that it's real.
I didn't only just start writing about this stuff to titillate others. I've always written about my life, thoughts, feelings, opinions.....it's just that last month I decided to start a blog and share it.
The reason I insist on anonymity is because I've built a nice life for myself now. I've left all that stuff behind.
It doesn't surprise me that I don't fit with the regular profile of a prostitute. To be honest, I never have. I used to sit in the girls room between jobs and see all the others exhibiting the kinds of behaviours you note above and wonder why I didn't fit in with them. I always thought that was probably a good thing though. I guess the other thing that might seema bit unusual is that I'm literate! Alot of girls I met were had a pretty low-level of education.
I don't need counselling. Writing has been my therapy since I was 11.
It's very interesting to see things from your point of view, but it always annoys me a bit. People who have never been a prostitute, never been a drug addict, trying to run around helping us, pretending like they know anything that is going through our minds.
Anything's possible. I wish you the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteWow, Unknown Author! Kinda rash and judgmental, don't you think? You certainly are taking liberties here. Short of flying to Baltimore and having us escort you around ourselves, how is it that you know us well enough to conclude that we "pretend" anything? It's wonderful that you've created a nice life for yourself, as you've put it, but please don't pretend to know our ladies, or us, for that matter. For our part, we've been associated with YANA for some 14 years and have given much of ourselves (our time, our resources, often our safety, friendships with people who don't "get it," etc.) to know the women and what they want, which as Vickie's written over and over again in this blog, is community and a sense of belonging (to one another, to the larger community, to us as people who care about what happens in their lives, and so on). I don't wish you counseling, necesssarily, but I do you wish you more friends...and less judgment. You aren't any more different from the women you compare yourself away from than we are. All of us are just trying to survive and thrive and find/give love, amidst our radically different circumstances.
ReplyDelete"1) they yearn to be recognized as individuals, 2) they yearn for a sense of community"
ReplyDeleteAll people yearn for this, at least if they aren't sociopaths.
I appreciate you helping people without being judgemental. But through your work you seem to have a very one-sided view of prostitution. You obviously only work with people who have problems, so you only see prostitutes with problems (drug addiction etc.) I don't know any numbers because there hasn't ever been done any serious, none-biased research about how many prostitutes are drug addicts, but I have never met a woman who fits your stereotype of the drug-addicted desperate hooker. The ones I know (myself included) are doing it because we enjoy the free time, being one's own boss, getting paid well and yes, many also enjoy the work itself. It's not that big a mystery.
I don't doubt it that there are women who experience it as hell, but I think it has much to do with the working conditions and if one's even cut out for it.
Sina, Where do you live? If possible, I'd like to meet you or at least speak w/ you directly because you're telling me that you fit the elusive happy-hooker stereotype that I've only heard of, but never met. If you really are getting paid well, enjoying the work, and feeling like you're in charge, and on top of all that, have never even made a prostituted woman w/ a drug problem, then you're living a reality that is miles apart from the thousands of women served at YANA and the few other similar NGOs around the country. As you've probably guessed, I am skeptical, but I do want to know if there are women who who freely chose and enjoy the lifestyle. Write me back. Let's get in touch. Vickie
ReplyDeleteHello Vickie,
ReplyDeleteI live in germany. It's possible that it's different altogether in the U.S (i assume you live there?), after all prostitution is illegal there, but I think it has more to do with the social environment one lives in. It's true I live in a totally different environment than the women you work with, but that doesn't mean it's a different reality. They exist beside each other, sometimes touching, but mostly stay apart. I work as a callgirl, so it's natural that i'll meet other callgirls and not street workers. You work with street workers who need help, so you probably won't come across women like me. Or more correctly: Probably you've come across many, but because of the social stigma we value our privacy very much, so we won't tell random people what we do.
Thank you so much, Sina. One thing I really stress when I talk to others about prostitution is that that you have to observe a subject first before you can have any valid theory on it. My observations and the observations of people around me have been of a reality that's very different from the one you describe. People who work in the western part of the US have observed that women who prostitute legally in Nevada have many of the same issues as our women in Baltimore, MD. Still, I would be hypocrite if decided that I didn't need to know anything about German call girls in order to have an opinion about their lives. So, I'll keep an open mind and thank you for writing in. I hope that you will continue to read the blog and comment in the future.
ReplyDeleteI'm from the UK and have no sympathy, empathy or understanding for these prostitutes.(Not 'street workers', which sounds like some sort of legal street cleaning occupation). In the UK we have a welfare system for everyone and no one has to be without a roof over their head or an empty stomach. The prostitutes here are the heroin and crack addicts - parasites who live off the taxes of others. The 'bleeding heart' I reserve for those paying to keep these misfits alive, in methadone, drug treatment centres and benefits. Grow up Vickie and see them for what they really are1
ReplyDelete